That one November Night

The following is a mostly true (as I remember it) account. I have done my best to hide the identity of the other person in question, but some of you probably know who I am talking about. Some of it has been changed for the sake of story telling, and I make no apology for that...



I remember drinking straight up gin, from the bottle, no chaser, it tasted like a Christmas Tree. It was the begining of November. There was a protest a block away we walked around some. Our protest in your room that night was better, if a bit quieter.

We walked from your place to the train, but unintentionally met up with some friends who dropped us off at the bar. It felt good sitting next to you in their car. We both smelled like alcoholics, but you pulled it off better then I did. You had that rare ability to lucid dream under the influence and you filled me up with all the hope in the world that night.

I knew I was in love with you before that night, we'd spoken those words weeks before when we both realized, lying on my bed, that our hearts were beating with the same rythm. We were both able to give ourselves completely and consume the entire room in our love making. I think that was the night I shot over you and hit the wall.

At the bar you were charming, you knew the owner and half the staff, and I was not surprised considering your history and the fact I'd attended those harsher-then-AA classes with you, the ones the judge ordered. You weren't supposed to be drinking, we both knew. But, with all the medical testing you were farmiliar with you knew they didn't test for alcohol metabolites, they only tested to see if you had any alcohol in your system. It was so terribly easy for you to cheat the system.

We sat in the back of the bar, the same place we'd sit almost a year later and I'd remember this night with nostalgia and fear. But, tonight you talked about me, about us, about us TOGETHER. That was what clinched it for me. You talked about the one thing I think I will always strive for. A blending of lives so seamless you cannot tell where one ends or one begins. I guess that's just me being an idealistic romantic.

You talked about us moving in, you gave me a timeline, you gave me a hope for the future at a time when...hope wasn't something I was farmiliar with. Everything the year before that was shit, boring shit, painful shit, stressful shit. You were a beacon, a lighthouse.

Then we went home. I remember running by the Temple having to piss like a racehorse and you kept trying to get me to pee in the flower beds, which we both knew would get us BOTH arrested, but it would have been funny as hell. In hindsight I can't imagine who would have bailed us out, my father wasn't talking to me at the time, and your family was all so far away.

We smoked a few cigarettes, ate some snacks, which I think involved Triscuits and goat cheese and some frozen tamales. More Gin (we were both too poor at the time to spend too much money at the bar so the buzz was starting to weaken).

I wanted you in a physical way so intensely. My body was screaming to me that you should have taken me right there in the middle of the dirty kitchen floor and unleash the physical power we both held in so poorly so much of the time. The silent parts of me were screaming in banshee style, emitting gallons of phermones to attract you.

But, you were the alcoholic, and I was the naieve one. So we went to bed. You put the customary pillow between us so we wouldn't touch in the night, since you were terrified of being touched in the night. You said it was because you would overheat, I think it was because you were scared of ME. Not what I would do to you, but what I meant to you. Not that I think you would admit that now, dispite all the post-relationship exchanged 'I Love You's from both of us.

You snorred like a chainsaw. I didn't sleep much. I thought about sleeping on the couch, but I wanted to be near you. I still want to be near you, every time I hurt. It feels good to ache for you still. I am happy I had that night where every dream in the world had come true.