Breaking My Own Rules

And now my chest smells of his cum,
and my hand smells of his taint,
and he's gone home to sleep alone,
letting other people dictate how he feels,
how he should live a life of fear.

I know I should leave him alone.
I know I shouldn’t let him fall in that seductive way.
But, I won't, and it's a very simple why.
I could love him if he would let me.
I've said that many times before.

He won't go, and if he doesn't go,
maybe he'll be mine.

I could love him if he would love me.
Tell me that secret, whisper in my ear that I am not alone -
that I am not the only one feeling all this emotion.

I could love him if he would let me.
But, love seems to be some fleeting thing.
I have found it under rocks, in streams,
everywhere slowly flitting away.
It cannot be held, it is quicksilver.
It is the alchemical element that was never tested.
I could love him if he'd let me.