I was Tantalus

When your heart has beat the new rhythm
(I have heard they all beat in the same time)
and the colors of the world change,
weather patterns shift, destiny flashes its lie before you
then you will believe
in the only thing that will teach you how to bleed.

I know, because I have been weak.
I know, because I fell from my own grace.
I know, because the colors have never been the same.
I know, because often I am still in pain and dizzy
from the blood loss, the sleep lost, the nights of
howling and coughing up regrets.

I have been suppressing feelings under old chemicals,
waiting for the next shift of my perspective to prove
to me that I am not what I think I am (a lonely fool,
doomed by my genetics to a short life, a lack of love,
knowing too much).

I used to think this unobtainable
would make me strong.  When the glass was held to
my lips, I knew I was Tantalus, and I was ready to be
thirsty for eternity.  But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.